routines and quarantines

I've learned a great deal about myself

by spending 24 hours 7 days a week

lengthy hours into the night and

through drizzly afternoons with me

The tea is cold and
I'm less myself than ever before

I never knew quarantining in the springtime

would teach me about the way I love
the 8:35 rush out the door -
our special morning routine
that never felt so special
until today

i miss
daily classroom chatter
and the familiarity of walking up so many steps every morning
just to get to the top of our education.
I miss complaining about how hard the climb is
and you'd squeeze my hand, smile, and say
we're almost there

I thought I was resilient

and tough.

I thought natural selection would pick ME

or at least that I would pick me

But my routine must have been the very thing
strapping my life together
because now without it
I'm bare bones
and the skeleton I see in the mirror
is trying to brush her hair
get regular meals and
teach herself that its okay to try again everyday

and i just have to think that maybe
i am not the only one who
took life for granted
or can't wait to see her sister-in-law's baby bump.
who wants to scream at the top of her lungs
but knows the neighbors will hear.
who feels no privacy in this little apartment-
all eyes on us

The tea is cold and
I'm less myself than ever before

but today I think is better than yesterday
and we're picking up the pieces

"2021 will be our year" - a list of strange happenings of 2020

Weird things that have happened since the New Year:

• Renowned NBA star Kobe Bryant and his daughter died in a tragic helicopter accident one foggy Sunday morning
• That same, day, M- got engaged to a girl he met on mutual (maybe) two months prior
• M- and K- eloped in the Provo City Courthouse 3 weeks after becoming engaged
• Trump was impeached, but later acquitted by the senate
• Coronavirus was declared a pandemic after sweeping across China, Italy, and planting seeds across every other place in the world
• The lines at Costco are longer than general admission concert lines and the only toilet paper you can find anywhere is the Chinese stuff off of Amazon
• BYU from one moment to the next, has transitioned fully online for the rest of the semester and encouraged its students to travel home to be with family
• Church meetings are cancelled until further notice and temples are closed
• V- discovered from a woman's ex-husband that J- had an affair with his ex-wife, and he laid out a timeline for her in extensive detail, with receipts of text messages and secretly recorded conversations
• Maja, my best friend practically in the world, shaved her head - something she has craved doing for years now. We are all glad she followed her heart <3 - not weird, just mentionable
• Yesterday morning, Utah had its biggest earthquake since 1992; a 5.7 on the richter scale
• We are living in a self-quarantine to slow the spread of COVID-19 - that way we won't have to be on a government-mandated quarantine. Cabin fever grows each day.

- As of Thursday, March 19, 2020