routines and quarantines

I've learned a great deal about myself

by spending 24 hours 7 days a week

lengthy hours into the night and

through drizzly afternoons with me

The tea is cold and
I'm less myself than ever before

I never knew quarantining in the springtime

would teach me about the way I love
the 8:35 rush out the door -
our special morning routine
that never felt so special
until today

i miss
daily classroom chatter
and the familiarity of walking up so many steps every morning
just to get to the top of our education.
I miss complaining about how hard the climb is
and you'd squeeze my hand, smile, and say
we're almost there

I thought I was resilient

and tough.

I thought natural selection would pick ME

or at least that I would pick me

But my routine must have been the very thing
strapping my life together
because now without it
I'm bare bones
and the skeleton I see in the mirror
is trying to brush her hair
get regular meals and
teach herself that its okay to try again everyday

and i just have to think that maybe
i am not the only one who
took life for granted
or can't wait to see her sister-in-law's baby bump.
who wants to scream at the top of her lungs
but knows the neighbors will hear.
who feels no privacy in this little apartment-
all eyes on us

The tea is cold and
I'm less myself than ever before

but today I think is better than yesterday
and we're picking up the pieces